Journey on the Road of Life

Blog to Rachel, an almost 28 y/o working mother of 2 in Nebraska. This blog is my outlet for my rants and raves, as well as a sounding board for my thoughts.

Monday, April 04, 2005

MOVING....

I have officially moved to http://hidingintheheights.blogspot.com please bookmark the new address. This blog will be deleted soon.

Sunday, March 06, 2005

Again and again and again....

Well it's that time of year again, B is on the job hunt. Each year he dreams of getting out of his district in search of something new, but after the interviews and resumes, applications and transcript requests he always ends up in the same comfortable place as always. Well, this year might be THE YEAR. He has been quite disenchanted with his job and lots of the staff are looking for other jobs and quitting so I think he sees this as his opportunity to get out. Both jobs that he is applying for are within 10 miles of our home. One is the local large public high school and the other is the small rural high school about 10 miles out of town. *crossing fingers*

Thursday, February 24, 2005

Just bored and trying to relax....

Deb
You are Deb and you could drink whole milk if you
wanted.


Which Napoleon Dynamite character are you?
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HASH(0x8c9774c)
The Goddess of Roses and Love. You are a hopeless
romantic. Always optimistic and loving, you
have many friends and you are exceptionally
trustworthy. You are a innocent beauty.


Which gorgeous goddess are you? For girls! (breath taking pics!)
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perky
You are a Go-Go Girl! Yay you!


What kind of Sixties Person are you?
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The 3 worst words...

Em is feeling better and doing well. She's had some adjustment to do but her physical therapy helped her out just fine. Nan is as "Nan" as ever. Quite the little copy machine. She's far more motherly then Em is though and I find that really funny as she is much more rough on the exterior.

In the past 2 weeks I have learned the 3 worst words out of a doctor's mouth, "I don't know." Honestly after yesterday I was just ready to hear that I had cancer or something, anything but "I don't know". I went to the neurologist after some muscle and headache problems that finally made me black out. It's been a hellish few weeks with my health and I am home again, because they are "trying something different" meaning that I'm on tranquillizers to try to get everything under control. The long and the short of it is I either have a weird virus, OR I have MS. They still have no idea and it's extremely frustrating and it is coming at the worst time when I have grades due, my graduate paper is going to be turned in on Sunday and I have parent/teacher conferences next week.

I have decided that the cure all for me is some sunshine and spring. I long to plant my flower garden and have some fabulous ideas for a flower fence along between our house and the vacant lot next to us. I have even started tanning this month because it's a 20 minute sunbath and warmth for me. I've never had winter affect me quite like this, but I'm ready for spring, sun, graduation and summer vacation with my kidlets.

On the plus side, B is finally getting the idea that it is time that he stop being so spoiled and help out. Yesterday he had to do everything that I usually do and he was dead tired by 9 and only had 1/2 of it done. When I was a SAHM I don't think he realized that he had ZERO responsibilities other than going to work and earning money. I think in the past 6 months he thought that maybe he could get away with all of that still, but he's FINALLY figuring out that when you have the perk of two incomes then he has to help out and it MUST be 50/50 to keep the marriage happy.

Off to take another dose and try to sleep for a little while. Here's to the sunny days of spring and graduation *Clink*!

Thursday, February 17, 2005

Suppression...

Well we are all on the mend here and doing better. I've been at work for a record 2 days straight (record for the past few weeks with all teh sickness) and hopefully my boss isn't as pissed off at me as she was on Monday. I've been having one hell of a week, but it has been a bit of a revelation. I've realized a lot about my self recently and I'm not sure that it is because of the intense mounting pressure of lack of funds for 10 days (c'mon tax refund), or the pressure from my project being due a week from Saturday. I've figured out that I do not like who I am recently and it's all because my true self has been totally repressed because of staff meetings, graduate school, trips to lessons and sports, Girl scout leading, committee chairing, my husband who wants me as HE wants me to be, not as I am and the like. But then I started thinking that I worry FAR too much what other people think of me. I muffle myself and my appearance and creativity because others will think that I am weird or "out there", but to be honest, I'm too old for that shit and really ready for a rebirth of sorts. So internet, look out. THe catepillar will become a butterfly soon and I'm not too sure the world is ready for it. I will, however, wait until I graduate in May for some of the things because I really don't think giving my grandmother a heart attack is a good idea.

A few things I've pondered to help the metamorphosis go as planned:
  • get a tatoo of a butterfly on my lower back.
  • revamp my wardrobe.
  • pierce something (either the nose or bell button)
  • die my hair back to it's original black and then get royal blue or fuschia highlights

I know it sounds all outer, but that's where I feel suppressed. My creativity and zest for life is inside of me, I just can't really express myself the way I would like. My husband says he'll leave if I die my hair any MAJOR color of the rainbow, but I just looked at him and said quietly, "if you don't love me enough that a hair-do is a make or break situation then just leave now.". I also gingerly mentioned that I hadn't complained that he has gained almost 70 pounds in the last 5 years or that I don't really bother being married to a redneck whose mother sends him a Valentine for "Son" that is for a 3 year old or that I have to pick out his clothes each day or he looks like a man attacked by his closet.

In all honesty the most major struggle in our marriage continues which is, the way he was brought up is when a man and a woman marry, the wife is to give up who she is and wants to be and becomes who HE wants her to be. I however was brought up with a very strong matriarch that intstilled in me that you never give up who you are for anyone especially a man. I will say that I've towed the line with B and done as he has asked at the sake of who I am and I've very tired of living that lie.

Sunday, February 13, 2005

Sickness, sickness, sickness.....

Well, I got over the flu by Monday. Started with a horrible headache on Monday night. I had a place on the back of my head that felt like a goose egg, but I hadn't hit my head there. It was so severe on Tuesday that after school I went to the doctor. After some tests and an MRI they determined it was a lipoma, or a fatty tumor. They scheduled me to have it drained off (it was able to be aspirated) on Wednesday after school. The pain was so severe that I ended up losing vision in my left eye and had to go to the emergency room on Wednesday morning and miss work. I went to the hospital and had it aspirated and then they sent some of it to the lab to see if it was cancerous. I should hear back tomorrow or Tuesday, but was assured that at least 95% of the time they are benign so I'm not worried. As soon as I got done there I got a call from daycare that Emalee was sick adn in a lot of pain. I went and picked up the girls and went to the pediatrician. Nan had a cold and Em had strep throat and an ear infection. She was screaming over a headache but they said it was just from the strep. So I stayed home the whole day wtih them and then B stayed home w/them Thursday and Friday. Em wasn't any better by Saturday. So I took her back in and found out that she has a lymphatic infection that is viral. She was given some pain meds and a steroid. She's doing better, but she can't go back to school until Wednesday. My aunt R is going to keep her tomorrow and then I'll probably stay home wtih her Tuesday and then if she's still not ready to go back then B will stay home with her Wednesday. Nan is much better with her cold, but now B and I have it! I'm so ready for us all to be well. I have a 3 day weekend this weekend (Sat, Sun, and Monday) and then an inservice day on Tuesday so I'm looking forward to getting some time to work on a few things then. Hopefully (crossing fingers) we will all be feeling better before then.

In my spare time (giggle), I've been working on my Valentine's for my students. I made each of my 151 students a valentine with a small sucker and just a breif little note of what I think they mean to me and what their strengths are. I feel that this is really important because these kids don't hear positives as much as negatives, especially at this age. I hope it goes well. I got the girls each a box of candy and a bear for each. B got a watch from me. I'm not expecting anything at all from B because he's not much for the romantic kind of stuff and after 10 years of being with me hasn't realized how important V day is for me. I'm quite the romantic at heart! Oh well. I try not to get my hopes up much and realize it's more for the kids than anything.

Friday, February 04, 2005

Helpless....

Ok, so I'm sick and I had to go get the 2nd round of meds at the pharmacy today. For the 2nd time in about 4 months I have had to be placed in the spot where I honestly have to consider on buying the meds or not. The prices even with our copay I'm thinking do we eat this month, or do I get my meds. The pharmacist saw my look on my face and the tears welling up in my eyes as I prepared to write out the check, so he worked something out with me and made me eternally grateful. On the way home with my meds I was just feeling so horrible for those who are in worse shape than I am that require more meds and have to make those types of decisions every month, especially the elderly.

Thursday, February 03, 2005

I've been attacked!!

The flu has me in its grasp. It didn't even seem to matter that I had the vaccine. Criminy, it's horrid. Looks like I'll be outof work until Monday!