Journey on the Road of Life

MOVING....

2005-04-04T10:25:00.000-07:00

I have officially moved to http://hidingintheheights.blogspot.com please bookmark the new address. This blog will be deleted soon.

Again and again and again....

2005-03-06T19:36:00.000-08:00

Well it's that time of year again, B is on the job hunt. Each year he dreams of getting out of his district in search of something new, but after the interviews and resumes, applications and transcript requests he always ends up in the same comfortable place as always. Well, this year might be THE YEAR. He has been quite disenchanted with his job and lots of the staff are looking for other jobs and quitting so I think he sees this as his opportunity to get out. Both jobs that he is applying for are within 10 miles of our home. One is the local large public high school and the other is the small rural high school about 10 miles out of town. *crossing fingers*

Just bored and trying to relax....

2005-02-24T13:14:00.000-08:00

You are Deb and you could drink whole milk if you
wanted.

Which Napoleon Dynamite character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

The Goddess of Roses and Love. You are a hopeless
romantic. Always optimistic and loving, you
have many friends and you are exceptionally
trustworthy. You are a innocent beauty.

Which gorgeous goddess are you? For girls! (breath taking pics!)
brought to you by Quizilla

You are a Go-Go Girl! Yay you!

What kind of Sixties Person are you?
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The 3 worst words...

2005-02-24T10:54:00.000-08:00

Em is feeling better and doing well. She's had some adjustment to do but her physical therapy helped her out just fine. Nan is as "Nan" as ever. Quite the little copy machine. She's far more motherly then Em is though and I find that really funny as she is much more rough on the exterior.

In the past 2 weeks I have learned the 3 worst words out of a doctor's mouth, "I don't know." Honestly after yesterday I was just ready to hear that I had cancer or something, anything but "I don't know". I went to the neurologist after some muscle and headache problems that finally made me black out. It's been a hellish few weeks with my health and I am home again, because they are "trying something different" meaning that I'm on tranquillizers to try to get everything under control. The long and the short of it is I either have a weird virus, OR I have MS. They still have no idea and it's extremely frustrating and it is coming at the worst time when I have grades due, my graduate paper is going to be turned in on Sunday and I have parent/teacher conferences next week.

I have decided that the cure all for me is some sunshine and spring. I long to plant my flower garden and have some fabulous ideas for a flower fence along between our house and the vacant lot next to us. I have even started tanning this month because it's a 20 minute sunbath and warmth for me. I've never had winter affect me quite like this, but I'm ready for spring, sun, graduation and summer vacation with my kidlets.

On the plus side, B is finally getting the idea that it is time that he stop being so spoiled and help out. Yesterday he had to do everything that I usually do and he was dead tired by 9 and only had 1/2 of it done. When I was a SAHM I don't think he realized that he had ZERO responsibilities other than going to work and earning money. I think in the past 6 months he thought that maybe he could get away with all of that still, but he's FINALLY figuring out that when you have the perk of two incomes then he has to help out and it MUST be 50/50 to keep the marriage happy.

Off to take another dose and try to sleep for a little while. Here's to the sunny days of spring and graduation *Clink*!

Suppression...

2005-02-17T16:30:00.000-08:00

Well we are all on the mend here and doing better. I've been at work for a record 2 days straight (record for the past few weeks with all teh sickness) and hopefully my boss isn't as pissed off at me as she was on Monday. I've been having one hell of a week, but it has been a bit of a revelation. I've realized a lot about my self recently and I'm not sure that it is because of the intense mounting pressure of lack of funds for 10 days (c'mon tax refund), or the pressure from my project being due a week from Saturday. I've figured out that I do not like who I am recently and it's all because my true self has been totally repressed because of staff meetings, graduate school, trips to lessons and sports, Girl scout leading, committee chairing, my husband who wants me as HE wants me to be, not as I am and the like. But then I started thinking that I worry FAR too much what other people think of me. I muffle myself and my appearance and creativity because others will think that I am weird or "out there", but to be honest, I'm too old for that shit and really ready for a rebirth of sorts. So internet, look out. THe catepillar will become a butterfly soon and I'm not too sure the world is ready for it. I will, however, wait until I graduate in May for some of the things because I really don't think giving my grandmother a heart attack is a good idea.

A few things I've pondered to help the metamorphosis go as planned:

get a tatoo of a butterfly on my lower back.
revamp my wardrobe.
pierce something (either the nose or bell button)
die my hair back to it's original black and then get royal blue or fuschia highlights

I know it sounds all outer, but that's where I feel suppressed. My creativity and zest for life is inside of me, I just can't really express myself the way I would like. My husband says he'll leave if I die my hair any MAJOR color of the rainbow, but I just looked at him and said quietly, "if you don't love me enough that a hair-do is a make or break situation then just leave now.". I also gingerly mentioned that I hadn't complained that he has gained almost 70 pounds in the last 5 years or that I don't really bother being married to a redneck whose mother sends him a Valentine for "Son" that is for a 3 year old or that I have to pick out his clothes each day or he looks like a man attacked by his closet.

In all honesty the most major struggle in our marriage continues which is, the way he was brought up is when a man and a woman marry, the wife is to give up who she is and wants to be and becomes who HE wants her to be. I however was brought up with a very strong matriarch that intstilled in me that you never give up who you are for anyone especially a man. I will say that I've towed the line with B and done as he has asked at the sake of who I am and I've very tired of living that lie.

Sickness, sickness, sickness.....

2005-02-13T18:34:00.000-08:00

Well, I got over the flu by Monday. Started with a horrible headache on Monday night. I had a place on the back of my head that felt like a goose egg, but I hadn't hit my head there. It was so severe on Tuesday that after school I went to the doctor. After some tests and an MRI they determined it was a lipoma, or a fatty tumor. They scheduled me to have it drained off (it was able to be aspirated) on Wednesday after school. The pain was so severe that I ended up losing vision in my left eye and had to go to the emergency room on Wednesday morning and miss work. I went to the hospital and had it aspirated and then they sent some of it to the lab to see if it was cancerous. I should hear back tomorrow or Tuesday, but was assured that at least 95% of the time they are benign so I'm not worried. As soon as I got done there I got a call from daycare that Emalee was sick adn in a lot of pain. I went and picked up the girls and went to the pediatrician. Nan had a cold and Em had strep throat and an ear infection. She was screaming over a headache but they said it was just from the strep. So I stayed home the whole day wtih them and then B stayed home w/them Thursday and Friday. Em wasn't any better by Saturday. So I took her back in and found out that she has a lymphatic infection that is viral. She was given some pain meds and a steroid. She's doing better, but she can't go back to school until Wednesday. My aunt R is going to keep her tomorrow and then I'll probably stay home wtih her Tuesday and then if she's still not ready to go back then B will stay home with her Wednesday. Nan is much better with her cold, but now B and I have it! I'm so ready for us all to be well. I have a 3 day weekend this weekend (Sat, Sun, and Monday) and then an inservice day on Tuesday so I'm looking forward to getting some time to work on a few things then. Hopefully (crossing fingers) we will all be feeling better before then.

In my spare time (giggle), I've been working on my Valentine's for my students. I made each of my 151 students a valentine with a small sucker and just a breif little note of what I think they mean to me and what their strengths are. I feel that this is really important because these kids don't hear positives as much as negatives, especially at this age. I hope it goes well. I got the girls each a box of candy and a bear for each. B got a watch from me. I'm not expecting anything at all from B because he's not much for the romantic kind of stuff and after 10 years of being with me hasn't realized how important V day is for me. I'm quite the romantic at heart! Oh well. I try not to get my hopes up much and realize it's more for the kids than anything.

Helpless....

2005-02-04T09:17:00.000-08:00

Ok, so I'm sick and I had to go get the 2nd round of meds at the pharmacy today. For the 2nd time in about 4 months I have had to be placed in the spot where I honestly have to consider on buying the meds or not. The prices even with our copay I'm thinking do we eat this month, or do I get my meds. The pharmacist saw my look on my face and the tears welling up in my eyes as I prepared to write out the check, so he worked something out with me and made me eternally grateful. On the way home with my meds I was just feeling so horrible for those who are in worse shape than I am that require more meds and have to make those types of decisions every month, especially the elderly.

I've been attacked!!

2005-02-03T09:19:00.000-08:00

The flu has me in its grasp. It didn't even seem to matter that I had the vaccine. Criminy, it's horrid. Looks like I'll be outof work until Monday!

Updates....

2005-01-31T18:34:00.000-08:00

Things are good on the home front. Totally freaking out because of my paper. Had school over the weekend and got the paper completely torn apart by my facilitators. One said the writing was good, but the research was not credible, the other said that the research was great, but the writing need major help. Funny that neither one of them gave me any suggestions, just criticisms so I'm not worrying about it too much. Girls are good, although I'm a little concerned because I'm just not spending that much time with them last weekend and this week. There is just too much going on.

On the other hand, things with me and B are going quite well for a change. He is helping out TONS the past few days and really being sweet to me. I hope it lasts, but I'm not counting on it. I came home from school both Saturday and Sunday in complete mental anguish. I took the criticisms to heart and very personally but I know I shouldn' t have. It's just that writing to me, of any kind, is very personal because I put my heart and soul into everything I do and write. My only solace was that I was NOT the only one because terrorized by them. Many ended up in tears in the same situation as I did.

This weekend will be interesting as I am "babysitting" my 17 y/o cousin L. She's a good girl, but just a typical 17 y/o. Last time I had her for just 2 days she sneaked out on me so it was rather hard because I don't like being in the "parent" role with her. We are more like sisters and it's hard for me to have to make those types of lines in the sand with her. THis time it will be 5 days (THursday through Monday). I'm also heading up to the Point to judge a speech meet for a good friend of mine. It's rather difficult as it's at the old school where I had so much turmoil. I did it last year and it was fine, but this year is different because they are targeting some of the ones that were horrible to me and are forcing them out. Thankfully though, one of them is the principal that was horrible cruel and evil to me. Karmic Retribution baby!

Hello....anybody out there?

2005-01-19T19:04:00.000-08:00

I seriously doubt it! I've been neglecting things around here terribly. I rarely get onthe computer at home these days and just have made some major priority changes which is spending time with my children more and being on the computer only after they have gone to sleep and that's only if I can stay awake long enough to do it. I won't lie though, I've been online and around over my 3 day MLK weekend, but I just didn't feel like I had anything to say.

EM is doing great. She started gymnastics this week and was already bumped up a class because they thought that the "Rollers" class was too easy for her. She jumped up on that balance beam and was pissed that they teacher had to have a hand on her, so she ran away from her on the beam (4 feet off of the ground). I guess all that time of walking along the curb outside our house has paid off. She has swimming lessons tomorrow and then starts her basketball mini-camp on Saturday. There are no basketball games, but it's more of a training camp to teach them the basics. She is really excited about it all. I know, it sounds like she's involved in a lot for a kindergartener, and she is, but I find that she spends her "free time" with a crappy attitude and her face in teh TV if she's not involved so for the next 8 weeks it is : Monday - nothing
Tuesday - Girl Scouts
Wedensday - Gymnastics
Thursday - Swimming Lessons
Friday nothing
Saturday - Basketball
Sunday - family day

NAn is just Nan and while Em is in swimming lessons the monster and I are taking a Parent/Tot gymnastics class. HAven't gone to it yet, it's tomorrow and look out it could be scary.

Work is great. I had 2 great unannounced observations last week and I'm rather pumped about the 2nd semester and my newly found organization regarding my job. Now if i could just apply that to my life.

I've been making time for myself since the New YEar. That was my resoultion. Last Friday night I went out with my 16 y/o cousin and saw "Coach Carter" the movie and LOVED IT!!! I had cards on Tuesdya night and then Friday night I"m going with my cousin, aunt, uncle, other cousin and his roommate to the Toby Keith/Ted Nugent concert. Not exactly into Country or into Ted, but hey, it's a free ticket and any concert usually rocks from the 3rd row center!!!!

Saturday night is supposed to be a date night for me and B but we shall see how it goes. DUnno how the girls will react to the new babysitter (daughter of a friend of mine).

Btw, just a note that since my last entry Nan is completely potty trained all day long! She did it herself! Go Nan, or as she says, "Anna Rocks da howse"

Yeah, I kind of figured!

2005-01-19T18:53:00.000-08:00

I stole this from Steph!

Blogging in Bullets.....

2004-12-27T09:26:00.000-08:00

Went to Oklahoma for CHristmas with the Outlaws (ILs) 12/17-12/20
Cousin's wife had a baby on the 20th that was born at 24.5 weeks gestation and 1 pound, 4 ounces.
Had a horrid toothache and what I thought would be a root canal ended up in minor jaw surgery on the 21st.
Nan had her appointment with ENT on the 22nd, she will be getting tubes in her ears and her adenoids removed on the 30th.
Picked up mail on the 23rd and got served with a summons for a medical bill that we didn't know existed and are being sued for.
Kept said summons from B until after Christmas, but he got one as well on Christmas Eve.
Grandparents came to town and had Nan's birthday party on the 23rd.
Nan was potty trained in 4 days and is now completely day trained a week after her 2nd birthday (WOOHOO)
Had a glorious Christmas with my grandparents, aunt, uncle, and cousins.
Grandparents left this morning
Christmas tree and all the holiday trimmings were neatly boxed away this morning before 10am.

Plans change...

2004-12-13T20:07:00.000-08:00

I'm quite the planner. Always have been, will be until the day I die. I am the type of anal planner that drives most people that have been planned out by me to the brink of insanity. WHen my plans are changed and I have no control over them I go quite postal. On Monday the 6th my father (aka sperm donor) had a heart attack. My life was his for the next week. Taking care of doctor consultations (I am power of attorney here me roar!!!), cleaning his apartment, washing his clothes, taking out the trash and updating family members. My other two sisters were conveniently MIA until just yesterday. My plans for the week were totally out of whack, coupled with the fact that a lot of bitterness and hateful feelings have come to a head it was not a fun week. I finally got myself settled down yesterday and was feeling better about everything with the dreaded FIL (psycho control freak) called to deman our presence this weekend in Oklahoma. We went down for THanksgiving so that we would not have to worry about all of this, but as B always does, he totally told his dad that we would be there. So after baking 300 cookies for my students, 60 mini cheesecakes for a Christmas dinner and finishing up last minute Xmas shopping with $$ that we don't have we will be traveling down to OK Firday evening after work and returning MOnday evening so that B can go back to work until Thursday the 23rd.

While in Oklahoma we will be taking a whirlwind weekend that will include, doing the "christmas" thing with my IL's, going to an ALUMNI party at B's high school and a big 2nd birthday bash for Nan on the 19th. THe last time we went to this alumni thing was almost 9 years ago on December 23rd, 1995 otherwise known as the night we got engaged. I shudder to think how I will look, so I'm hoping to do a bit of tanning, get a manicure and buy a killer outfit to blow B and the rest of the idiots out of the water. I usually pride myself in the basics. Hair is combed, teeth are brushed and clothes are mostly clean. I'm not all into the glamour thing, but might have to just for that night. I've never been one of those people who takes much time or effort with themselves and am not all that wonderfully put together.

Oh well that's a random thought for another day.

Neglected...

2004-12-03T17:27:00.000-08:00

Ok, so I have been neglecting my blog on purpose. Mainly there are two reasons:

1. I have been so busy I barely have time for the computer anymore and there will be days that I go without being
online at home.
2. I just don't feel that I have all that much that is that important to say. I'm not even sure why anyone visits here
anymore because I'm just not up to the effort.

I really really want to be , but I feel that my life is the same old shit, different day. I'm busy, I'm overextended, I am lonely, I feel unappreciated, blah blah blah. I sound like a broken record. LOL. So here is the actual version of what I have on my mind.

Am I busy? Yes, as a one-armed paper hanger (btw, what is a paper hanger and why does it have arms?). THe end of my 3rd graduate semester is coming up. I have one major paper left to write for my online class and my actual classes that meet, the last meeting is this weekend. After this weekend only have 5 weekends left until graduation. There are days that I think that I must be legally insane for taking 12 hours, having a full time job and taking care of my family, but then there are the days that I am quite empowered by it.

The girls are good, Thanksgiving was ok, Only 10 school days left until Winter Break and I'm starting to think that once I get past this weekend that I'll actually start feeling better about a lot of things. ALso this past month we were in dire straits financially. All of our savings is gone due to medical bills and credit card bills that we used to charge medical bills. B did not want to get a loan at all, but finally I just decided to do it myself. We were paying out $850-$900 a month in bills so I decided that getting a loan would cut me down to $200 a month to pay off all of our bills and so I did. B is much happier, on some days, since I did this and I will say that I don't feel as though I'm going to die of a stress induced stroke anytime soon. BTW, I LOVE my educator credit union! MWAH!

Speaking of B, he's having some issues with his job and his principal. It's nothing major, but couple that with some interesting job information about other schools for next school year and a proposal put forth to B yesterday abotu getting out of teaching all together and moving back to OKlahoma for a lucrative job in woodworking (which he loves) has put us all in a tizzy. He's really seriously considering this proposal. I really don't want to because we are finally settled here, enjoying our life (when we can) and drama free. The move would put us on the same land as his parents and grandparents, albeit with a free brand new house, and his own business, but I just can see uprooting us again in less than a year. Emalee is getting too old for that. So we have a lot of deciding to do.

It's the Holidays....

2004-11-20T14:10:00.000-08:00

Ok, with Thanksgiving less than a week away, we have officially entered the time of the year known as..."THE HOLIDAYS". Which, not because of what it orginially and is supposed to mean, but because of what it is now, I hate this time of year. Most of it has to do with how money and gift hungry and hateful people that I know, and call "family", are this time of year as well as just the pressure of all that is expected on me this time of year. I have been TOLD of 4 different holiday exchanges that I am supposed to be participating in. While I could just say ABSOLUTELY NOT, they are for my kids and I understand that it would be them that would take the fall for it so I'm going to be participating (BTW, the aforementioned exchanges are IRL and not online). It just seems to me that the holidays (as a general rule that I've experienced) are supposed to be about giving and being kind but I've seen more of the hateful, crabby, stressed side of the holidays which is why it's such a turn off to me. Also, being utterly broke doesn't help either! LOL.

Anyway, on the bright side of things life seems to be slowing down a bit for me in that I've finished my online grad class that was kicking my butt, and I have just made it a general rule for myself that I WILL NOT bring work home with me. I'll grade papers when I'm at school and that's it. I do grades and all that I need to do during the work day, but have outright refused to bring it home with me. It's made for a happier me and a happier family life.

I did eye witnessed the most vicious, psychotic thing yesterday and it actually gave me nightmares last night and probably will for quite a while, but I'm not yet ready to talk about it.

What? I have a blog? Huh?

2004-11-18T18:35:00.000-08:00

Many many, apologies to those who I used to frequent their blogs. I really haven't had much computer recently to do a blogging visit, but I'll be out and about this evening making stops in the comments boxes of others. Hopefully I'll get to everyone, but if not drop me a comment and I'll make it there.

I could go on and on about how things have been so crazy but that's old and dry here. I will tell you that I have been in the middle of more fights with large African-American adolescent females in the past week than I care to ever be in my lifetime! LOL. It's just been a wild wild week at school. I'm looking forward to going to Oklahoma for Thanksgiving soon. We will leave on Wednesday and return on Sunday. I'm actually ready for a trip to see the in-laws. Am I drunk, high or just plain stupid? DOn't answer that one! LOL

2004-11-16T13:38:00.000-08:00

Blogging in Bullets....again.....

2004-11-04T20:50:00.000-08:00

apology for not blogging for so long
Bush won....YAY!
overwhelmed at work
overwhelmed at grad school
overwhelmed at home
not enough hours in the day
Girl Scouts are going well
financial issues YIKES!
B hunting this weekend
Babysitting my 16 y/o cousin this weekend
had parent teacher conferences from 1-8
no major confrontations except being called a 'silly ass bitch' as well as 'a fucking teacher who doesn't know a fucking thing about fucking anything, especially my fucking child'
beer drinking after conferences
working on less than 4 hours of sleep a night since saturday night
1/2 day tomorrow to catch up at work and home
did i mention that i'm just ready to give up in general because i'm just so damn overextended.

2004-10-25T18:24:00.000-07:00

Congratulations! You are Bree Van De Kamp, the
Martha Stewart on steroids, whose family is
about to mutiny.

Which Desperate Housewife are you?
brought to you by

Please form your answer in the form of a question...

2004-10-22T14:36:00.000-07:00

Yep, that's right Internet, I'm headed for a tryout on Jeopardy! on Sunday. I got the invite a few weeks ago, because I filled out the little template online back in July. I'm not expecting to go very far, but just to get the opportunity is enough for me! LOL.

On the house front, it's clean, at least for the moment and the kids are enjoying lots of good time with their great-grandparents. Tonight is Brandon's last football game. I doubt they will win, and he doubts is too. I'll just be glad that it is over.

Renovation starts NOW....

2004-10-20T15:20:00.000-07:00

One of my favorite TV shows these day is ABC's Extreme Home Makeover. That's where I got the title from, but honestly mine should be changed to..."The cleaning starts NOW..."

My grandparents are coming up from Oklahoma this weekend. They will arrive a little after noon or so tomorrow. Em is out of school for a 5 day weekend (Fall Break) and I'm taking two personal days from work. I need them desperately because of the fact that I"m also using them as "mental health days". LOL. We haven't seen my grandparents since July and although they are not staying with us (staying w/ my aunt that is a mile away), I still must have my house in tip top shape. Because of the craziness the past month I just haven' tbeen able to keep abreast of everything. I've kept up with the house until this past week and now it's a disaster. So going to spend tonight and tomorrow morning (taking the girls to daycare for 3 hours to play with their friends) to get the house together.

On other notes, school has been crazy, I'm almost completely caught up on grad school work (will be tonight for sure), B got a deer that he just HAD to butcher in our garage, the flu is going like wildfire and 1st quarter grades are due Monday.

On a completely different note, I'm going to chill out for an hour tonight and watch my other favorite TV show which is "Lost". Love it! Since I don't get my Alias fix until January it suffices for me. Funny thing about my favorite TV shows, I think they are as such because they are the only ones I get to watch anymore! LOL.

Wow..

2004-10-15T20:15:00.000-07:00

has it really been that long since I've visited my blog let alone posted? I know it seems like a broken record, but I have been so busy that it's difficult to find blogging time.

Internet....I will hereby admit the following:

"I, Rachel, have bitten off WAY too much, not more than I can chew, but so much that it's coming out of my ears and nose! LOL".

Work, grad school, motherhood, wifehood, Girl Scouts, SOccermom, is starting to take a major toll on me. I'm hearing the comment, "Boy, you are just supermom!" Really I'm not, I've very far from it. I am a tornado of stress, poor time management, and just ongoing frenzy with the obsession of trying to accomplish my goals on about 4 to 4.5 hours of sleep a night. So what has suffered? My kids? No way! My job? No way? My clean house? No way. What has taken a major hit is me. My weight that I had lost is creeping back up on me, as well as fact that I need my hair dyed again, my exercise regimen has gone to nil in the past two weeks, and I'm back to medicating myself with chocolate iced doughnuts and bags of Chili Cheese Fritos.

Just checked the football scores and B's team is yet again winless, making the Cadets record so far 0-7, a far cry from the 6-1 of last year at this time. Oh well, I'm just excited for the football season to be over for him. That way I can spend more time at work and less time stressing about it.

Hopefully I'll get some time this weekend to get caught up on my online course as well as my regular grad school.

2004-10-07T20:09:00.000-07:00

Emalee is 5

My 1st Baby!!!

2004-10-07T20:02:00.000-07:00

My 1st child, Emalee Elizabeth is 5 today. It is a much better day that it was 5 years ago when we were told by the end of the day that she might not survive the next few days, but I'm so proud of the child that she has become. She is a beautiful, loving, and precious child and I love her more than life itself. She makes each day worth living......remind me of this post after her slumber party tomorrow night!

Bombshell day...

2004-10-05T15:00:00.000-07:00

16 y/o niece is pregnant and dropped out of high school. Yippee, I'm so excited. She's following in the footsteps of my oldest sister. My grandfather has decided to get married again. My grandmother passed away in April 2003 and he was quick to get a girlfriend that is 20+ years younger than him. And I got to be a part of expelling a student and it was just really really hard especially when I thought of the way that the mother must have felt during this process. OH well, going to redeem myself by playing cards with my Grandma E and her sister adn friends tonight after Girl Scouts.!

Mental Health Day....

2004-10-04T07:27:00.000-07:00

I'm home today from school for a mental health day. There is no school today, but it is a teacher curriculum day meaning it was full of meetings on curriculum that I have already been brainwashed with and I'm just too far behind on other things that I needed a day for myself. I called in sick, but that is not a fib as I do have strep throat and not feeling well.

IN most areas of my life I feel like I'm running behind. I have 4 papers due for an online class this week, and I haven't written any of them, I need to work on my research for my grad action research project, and since the ILs were here this weekend, I didn't get a chance to do anythign around the house. No, I'm not taking a day from school to clean, but rather to go through the clothes that the girls adn I have and get out our winter stuff as I'm pretty sure that most of the days in the 80s and "short weather" are behind us now.

ILs showed up on THursday and spent the weekend here for Em's birthday. I am very appreciative that they did spend the day with the kids on Friday (Em didn't have school) so that they didn't have to go to daycare. It is so hard for me to relinguis control around here. Not just with them, but in general, but I did do a decent job of just muttering under my breath and such. LOL. The girls are spoiled, the house is a mess, and they bought Em stuff that when they asked us if it was all right we said, "No" , but they did it anyway (Playstation).

I really didn't have to deal with them all that much though as I had grad school all weekend which was a great escape for me.

Ok, off to write those papers. Also, I apologize for not being more diligent in my blogging, but I wasn't even on the computer since Thursday and I don't dare blog at school for the fact that it can be traced through the system.

Let Them Be Little

2004-10-04T06:18:00.000-07:00

I heard this song on the radio yesterday and it brought me to tears, somewhat because Em is going to 5 on THursday and just makes me wonder where all this time has gone.

http://www.tophitsonline.com.php?songid=7956

Billy Dean - "Let Them Be Little"

I can remember when you fit in the palm of my hand
Felt so good in it, no bigger than a minute
How it amazes me, you're changing with every blink
Faster than a flower bloons they grow up all too soon

So let them be little 'cause they're only that way for a while
Give them hope, give them praise, give them love every day
Let thme cry, let them giggle, let them sleep in the middle
Oh just let them be little.

I've never felt so much in one little tender touch
I live for those kisses, prayers and wishes
Now that you're teaching me things only a child can see
Every night while we're on our kneew all I ask is please

Let them be little 'cause they're only that way for a while
Give them hope, give them praise, give them love every day
Let them cry, let them giggle, let them sleep in the middle
Oh just let them be little

So innocent, a precious soul, you turn around
It's time to let you go.

So let them be little 'cause they're only that way for a while
Give them hope, give them praise, give them love every day
Let them cry, let them giggle, let them sleep in the middle
Oh just let them be little

Let them be little

Pondering....

2004-09-28T18:49:00.000-07:00

I love my job, and I dearly love the kids I teach, but here is a question that I've been really thinking on very hard today.....are there more "bad" people in the world than "good" people"? I really wonder, especially since a lot of the "bad" people I've been learning about are doing evil things to their children and don't care.

Birthday...

2004-09-28T18:46:00.000-07:00

Birthday #28 sucked pretty bad as I spent it in the ER of the hospital in which I was born. I'm not that nostalgic. LOL.

2004-09-26T20:05:00.000-07:00

Emalee's soccer picture.

2004-09-26T20:04:00.000-07:00

Annaleah being "nan" 9/26/04

2004-09-26T20:03:00.001-07:00

Emalee and Annaleah. Kind of loving, kind of forced! LOL

2004-09-26T20:03:00.000-07:00

Emalee 9/26/04

Brady.....

2004-09-23T06:37:00.000-07:00

http://www.wowt.com/home/headlines/1042636.html

This is one of my students that has cerebral palsy. He is an inspiration to all that are around him. He exhibits my classroom motto which is, "There are no great people, only ordinary people who make the decision to do great things."

Diguises....

2004-09-17T19:32:00.000-07:00

Disguises come in many forms. Halloween costumes, fake personalities, smiles. I think I've finally unveiled the disguise of "the funk" that I seem to get often.....wallah.....loneliness. At the root of most of my thoughts and feelings, is loneliness that I have felt since I was a small child. I was always the person that could be in the middle of a crowded room with a gigantic smile on my face, but just feeling so sad an alone inside. Going back to work has brought that loneliness to the forefront. Not sure what to do.. although I might take ELB's advice and go get some box wine and have a pity party in stinky Pj's, but I have my kids to think about....which is what keeps that fake smile on my face, that occasionally turns into a genuine one....once in awhile. My job, although I love it dearly, is taking a toll on me. My relationship, or lack thereof, is also taking a major toll, but the worst thing recently is that fake smile that I put on everyday for everyone else behind eyes that are crying an ocean.

Perhaps I'm becoming reflective because of my upcoming 28th birthday. 27 wasn't that great, in fact, I'd almost rather forget that year for the most part. A week from tomorrow (Saturday) will be my 28th birthday and for some reason when people ask me what I want for my birthday I usually say, "Oh nothing, it' s just another birthday." But what I really really want to scream is "I want a new pair of PJ's, a hotel room, a box of wine, and an endless supply of sappy movies!" LOL.

AMAZING PROPS!!!

2004-09-16T19:17:00.000-07:00

I met this artist today. You can find her and her amazing conservation art of insects at http://www.projectinsect.com . I bought a print of the butterfly on the main page for my birthday and she signed it! The real life ones that she is doing at the Omaha Henry Doorly Zoo are 8 feet by 6 feet canvases and the detail is phenomenal!

Lots of things....

2004-09-15T18:52:00.000-07:00

Back to Blogging in bullets....
*9/11 really did suck. I was quite upset that there wasn't more news coverage or tributes in the area, I had grad school, and my 10/99 board was hacked into causing tons of unwanted drama from a psycho troll.
*I was home sick yesterday with the girls, they weren't all THAT sick, but I'm still sick and it's a week later and I'm not any better!
*B's great uncle shot and killed himself Sunday night. Very very sad, he had colon cancer that was getting worse and decided it was best for his family if he went ahead and shot himself.
*Because of this, B is very growly to me, almost mean. I mean I"m kind of taking it in stride and all, considering what he is going through adn all, but also he's VERY nice to everyone else and just shitting on me.
*I'm giving standardized tests at school and if you know about me and standardized tests, not a happy combo.
*FRIDAY cannot get here fast enough, or my financial aid refund from grad schoo.
*I got my 1st real paycheck in like over 2 years today and although I was shorted about $600, it is still the biggest paycheck I've ever had.

Testing...1,2,3....

2004-09-11T20:18:00.000-07:00

Just trying out the new look!

()&#@!@#(&)!@()

2004-09-10T08:48:00.000-07:00

Don't you just hate those days that by 8am you already know it is going to be a completely sucky day. I mean right down shitty? That is how my day is today. OK, listen up FRIDAY, this is NOT how it is suppose to go! You are not supposed to be like this. Monday? She has every right to be, but for GOd's sake you are F-R-I-D-A-Y!!!

Time, time, who has some time please!

2004-09-09T14:59:00.000-07:00

DUring the day while I'm teaching kids, and having conversations with kids and teachers, as well as on the drive in and out of OMaha I think about things to blog about, but just never do it. It's all about the time factor. In lieu of that fact, I'm back to blogging in bullets.

*Baby T's that have the logos such as "Hottie" and "Babe" should not be made in a size larger than sice 16. Sorry girls, but it just doesn't have the same effect, especially when you are over the 300 pound mark.

*I'm still on my neverending quest to get a picture phone because I see the most interesting things being in Omaha these days.

*I'm a REpublican, but I'm quite liberal in the grand scheme of things. This must be a reason that most of my friends and fellow bloggers that I read frequently are Democrats.

*My job is going well, and I have picked up several catch phrases such as, "Don't be hate'in'" and "You front'in?"

*If a black teenage girl gets pissed off, you had better get out of her way, or when she starts bobbing her head and waving her finger you just might get accidentally poked in the eye.

*As of Saturday I will have become something that I swore I would never be, which is a......SOCCER MOM!!

Props!

2004-09-06T20:00:00.000-07:00

ABout 18 months ago I began visiting Ismat's blog http://thetextobscured.net/ I've followed her victories and defeats for quite a while now, but I'm so very proud of her as she just launched a Magazine called Nirali. Even for a caucasian/Native American woman living in the Great Plains, I found it rather enthralling and interesting. Please check it out at http://www.niralimagazine.com/

Yeah, yeah, yeah...

2004-09-05T19:20:00.000-07:00

I know it's been quite a while for me. I didn't plan a hiatus, I barely got myself to the computer at home at all this week. I do have time on the Net during my lunch at school, but don't want to use it for blogging as there is a trail as to where I have been and such. Don't want those administrators finding out about my blog! LOL. It's been a busy week full of school politics, bitchy middle school teachers, PTA meetings, Girl Scouts, and my daily lessons in ebonics from my students.

My new job is quite the adventure I tell ya. Crazy, but I learn or experience something new everyday. From the idle subtle death threat to the fist fights, to the kids just being such joys I could burst. I'm thoroughly enjoying my Labor day weekend. B is ignoring me by shutting me up and making me a new computer desk. That's always nice becasue then it gets him out of doing anything else for me for my birthday (which is in 19 days), and it's something he can always use as an excuse. ("But I built you that furniture back last year for your birthday this year...."). DOn't get me wrong I LOVE the furniture, however it's not like it's something I make him do. He loves to work with the wood and be out in the garage absolved from any responsibility in the house!

Kids are doing great. Nan LOVES daycare, and EM is getting much better about it. She freaked last Friday because she had a substitute teacher in kindergarten. That was hilacious to get her back to kindie, but overall she's loving it all. This weekend has been a quite one, and I've been procrastinating against actually grading papers and doing some lesson planning. Hopefully tomorrow afternoon and evening I"ll have a chance.

Nothing that exciting going on at our house, but I do have some commentary for later, just looking through http://www.google.com to find the right pictures to go with it.

Traitor??

2004-08-27T23:28:00.000-07:00

Tonight was B's 1st football game of the season. It was a home game so we went. Us 3 girls (me, Em and Nan) are diehard football fans when it comes to Daddy's team. We rarely miss the games home or away. Tonight was the 1st night that I had been back to the old town of WP "officially" (in a public event) since we moved. I didn't expect peopel to come flooding to me and say, "Oh, we really miss you" or anything like that, but what I did get was quite the icy reception. Our close friends were wonderful and very chatty wondering what we had been up to and talking about their goings on which was nice. Others that were our "casual" friends looked me straight in the eye, said nothing and walked away. My dear friend L said, "They just think that you think that you are too good for WP." Whatever I suppose. It certainly did make me think for a while that I didn't want to be making the 45 minute trip (each way) to visit every Friday night, besides going even further for away games. The end of the game made it all worthwhile though. It's a family tradition that's been happening since before Em was born. When the game is over me, and the girls go out on the field and hug B and tell him "good game" to matter what the score is. Tonight the Cadets got skunked 16-0. It was NOT pretty and I coudl hear B cussing from way up in the stands, which really never happens, but when that game was over he smiled so big when the girls came running across the field screaming, "Daddy daddy, you had a good game, it was fun!" He smiles, hugs the kids and gets a spare football out and tosses it around with them for awhile. Tonight we were plus a kid, Madi our old neighbor was with us and is spending the weekend with us. Her mom is on call (she works at the hospital in WP) all weekend so Madi is spending the weekend with us. It's good for everyone, Em especially after her tough week. Off to bed!

Finding some time finally....

2004-08-26T17:36:00.000-07:00

OK, finally found some time to get myself together and post. Em's 1st day of kindie went wonderfully well! Nan is doing great with her daycare, Em is another story though. FInally on her 4th day things are starting to improve. She's really not used to change. Nan just rolls with the punches, but Em on the other hand HATES change. The funniest thing of it all is the person with the MOST difficulty is B. He's not used to the 50/50 thing and now after 2 years of hollering at me to get a job, he now says he really enjoyed me being at home and wishes I still was. NOW HE TELLS ME!!! LOL.

My job is going amazingly well (knock on wood). I started full time with students yesterday (the 25th). 8 period days are great and it helps it move quickly as I only have kids 45 minutes at a time and no one from 10-12 because I have my planning period, my lunch and my team planning period all in one long stretch! It's great. Also, I LOVE the diversity. My school is about 83% African American and only about 7% Caucasian. The other 10% is mixed with Hispanic and Asian kids, however the newest stats are that 94% are on free/reduced lunch. My one class I have 22 students adn 14 of those are hearing impaired or completely deaf. I have interpretors and they are fabulous, but I really want to learn sign language by the end of the year. THey are amazing kids!

FINALLY I have a weekend to myself or our family I guess. Tomorrow night is Brandon's 1st football game. Can't WAIT! The girls are really excited to be going back to our old town and seeing friends. More later, but just had to update. Busy but great is how things are going.

**Note to Silver. Overachiever bullies are those that have ridiculously high expectations for themselves and others and if you don't follow to their insane expectations they will ridicule and belittle you. Mostly it was due to the fact that I was gone a lot last semester because of Nan being ill and that I ended up with the same grade as they did, although they don't know all the extra work that I did.

Heinz or Hunt's?

2004-08-26T15:39:00.000-07:00

Obviously my kid LOVES ketchup. Came home from grad school on Saturday and found her laying on the couch, watching the Olympics and drinking a ketchup bottle. Dad thought she was sound asleep in her room so he was downstairs looking for something! LOL

Mommy Milestones...

2004-08-23T05:41:00.000-07:00

Today is a big day for our family. Em starts kindergarten this morning and both girls will be heading to daycare. Up until now they have been with either MIL or my cousin La. Today is the 1st dayof our new life, with me as a working mom AND Em as a school kid, and both of them in daycare. It's a very nice homedaycare that is right across the street from Em's school. I'm so nervous for both of them, but neither of them really care, they are really excited. Em was saying last night that she can't wait to meet all of her new friends (especially after not having that many this past summer). Nan got up this morning and ran to her closet, got her shoes and wanted to "go pay with kiddies" (go play with kids). She's so social and friendly I'm not too worried about her. I was an emotional mess last night and I'm not going to put on any makeup until I get done taking Em to school because I'll just be bawling. LOL. I'll post pictures later I'm sure.

I'm taking a 1/2 personal day today to do this. But it's SOOO worth it. I can't imagine anyone else taking her.

On another note, I'm going to have to learn to shrug things off more and more. I had grad school this weekend and found that because of my absences last semester that I'm not being targeted by some overachiever bullies. It was so bad yesterday that I just wanted to quit. I don't do well being under a microscope or being bullied.

Hump Day...

2004-08-18T14:49:00.000-07:00

Well although things have been CRAZY the past few days, it seems as though we are finally finding our way around our new life that is me working out of the house and B back at school and coaching. MIL dropped a bomb on us Tuesday morning. FIL called her about 10pm Monday night and after that she was acting weird. SHe never said anything just acted differently, I just can't explain it. So on Tuesday morning at 6:15 when I had literally one foot out of the door MIL comes rushing up the stairs and tells me that she is leaving in a few hours. Our original agreement was that she would come and stay from teh 10th to the 18th, but then she agreed Sunday to stay until the 21st since Nan was sick. Well, she left at 7:30am yesterday morning. Her reasoning was that she had a sore throat and didn't want to get the girls sick, but B said he went into the laundry room to take care of some laundry and she was packed up last night the night before, but he just thought she was organizing or cleaning. So needless to say, B had to take a 1/2 day off his 1st day back to school and I had to take a 1/2 day in the afternoon because she left us hanging. Thankfully my 16 y/o cousin "La" came over today through Friday to babysit for me. She's a gem and gets along famously with the girls.

Nan is doing much better. Breathing easier each day and starting to get well. Hopefully she'll be fully recovered by Monday. I've been working in my room today and got almost everything ready for school to start. I hope that after Friday's work day I'll have it all done so that I won't have to worry about it this weekend. Tomorrow night is our 7th grade orientation, but I don't have to go as Em has her open house at her school and I volunteered to do the 8th grade orientation next week. Em is getting really excited for kindergarten (which starts the 23rd).

I'm still at a loss of my computer time. I didn't realize how much time I had to do that kind of thing, but oh well, we will get to it when we can right? Hopefully after my grad school weekend I'll have loads more time.

ANd I thought I'd have time..

2004-08-15T14:32:00.000-07:00

Well it's clear to me right now, that my online time is going to be really really limited these days. There is no time to do anything while I'm at school and I've promised myself that I won't even start getting online unless it's to email at work because then I might get preoccupied. So when I get home there is so much going on that I barely have time to breathe and then when I finally find some time around 10pm I'm too damn tired to log on. LOL.

Happenings around here include:
* completely boring training
* not enough time in my room
* found a great place to get laminating and die cuts done for free (I'll just have to get my scrapbooking into that too! LOL)
* massive amounts of guilt at not staying home with the girls.
*trying to let MIL just take care of the girls without my interference.
* trying to stay awake during dinnertime.
*labeling and mailing 500 postcards for Em's PTA
*Daisy Girl Scout Leader training and meetings.
* Going on a date with B (1st one in almost 2 years).
* Sick kids.
* Nan having a terrible asthma attack and back on all full doses of steroids and other meds.
*Feeling even more guilty for going to work.
*MIL is staying with us until Saturday so that I can keep Nan out of daycare until she's 110% better.

1st day of school...

2004-08-11T14:44:00.000-07:00

TOday was rather anticlimatic. I suppose I was looking foward to it and anticipating it so much that it was a little bit of a let down. Today was mainly just stuff about the district and I did meet the new teachers in my building and got a little room time. I had a mini breakdown last night when I put Nan to bed about being gone and then this morning I cried the entire way to work. THank goodness I didn't put any make up on until I got to school LOL.

About face...

2004-08-10T06:42:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I was about to throw in the towel for parenting and then I woke up this morning and realized that this is my last "official" day of being a stay at home mom. It's been a wild journey, but well worth it. Yesterday I couldn't wait to go to work tomorrow, but now today I'm all weepy. So I plan on making the day worthwhile, after I get a few things done this morning. Maybe a trip to the park, or a bike ride with the 3 of us. MIL should be here around 5 or so and then I'm off to my 1st ever PTA meeting tonight where I'm actually a "P" instead of a "T" LOL.

B came home last night in a grumpy mood until he saw that I fixed him his favorite dinner (Chicken/Broccoli/Alfredo pizza). We talked about earlier in the afternoon and such. He agreed that it was just as much his fault as mine and just chalked it up to a miscommunication and things were fine.

I am staging a boycott of News Networks. Now, I'm not talking about my local channels, or even the CBS, NBC, or ABC National News, but mainly the 24 hour news networks. I can't even watch them for a minute anymore without getting so irritated because of the blatant bias in their stories.

Mini breakdown...

2004-08-09T16:34:00.000-07:00

It was 4:27pm, we had just dropped off Em's playdate friend. The house was a mess and I needed to get some things down. I put all the chairs on top of the table, countertop and couch to vacuum. The phone rang and it was B screaming at me about a car repair bill from back in May that he told me to pay....the day before we moved (I was in a manic stage of packing and cleaning, etc). I remember him telling me now, but I didn't until he said something about the time I could get a word in from his screaming I heard a crash. Nan had gotten up on the table from the couch and then climbed on the table and up on the chair on top and the chair adn Nan came crashing to the floor, I was trying to soothe her and make sure she was all right all the while B was interrogating me about this bill. He found out about it as he had to have some more car repairs (to the tune of $150, which he told me last night he could fix it himself for $20). I was trying to explain to him that I must have forgotten during the craziness of everything and the fact that I never got a bill or he never said a thing about it again, when Emalee started screaming that throwing a tantrum that she was hungry, Nan is still screaming and when I finally got everything calmed down I hear from the other end of the phone, "Well if you can't give me a straight answer about it go f*ck yourself". Nice real nice. I tried to call him back twice to tell him what was going on and how I was preoccupied and he kept answering the phone and then hanging up on me so I said, "Screw it". I fought back the angry tears and turned on the vacuum to which it exploded dust and quit 2 minutes into the cleaning. I'm not sure why I was more upset, the dust everywhere or the fact that it quit yesterday and he said he fixed it. I just went into my room and sobbed.

I feel as though I should be feeling happy to be spending these two last days with the girls before I go to work, but I can't get out of the house fast enough. I suppose one of the reasons that I'm typing this out is so I can see it later when I'm upset that I"m not home very much. LOL.

I just feel that I'm becoming less and less tolerant. Oh well, finish dusting.

Hanging my head...

2004-08-09T07:29:00.000-07:00

I've been neglecting my blog big time recently and I have to apologize. I didn't get all my links set up or the fact that I'm just behind....period. I have a lot on my plate as I'm preparing for MIL's 9 day visit to come and help take care of the girls when I start working, my aunt,uncle, cousins, grandmother and great-aunt are on a Southern Carribean cruise and I'm stuck taking care of all the plants, mail, newspapers, and animals. That in itself is a full time job recently. I go back to work after a 27 month hiatus on Wednesday. B has started 2 a day football practices lately and leaves the house at 6:00am and doesn't come home until 9:00pm, plus there are work clothes to be ironed, and shoes to be polished. I'm not even going to start cleaning up the house until tomorrow because right now I have 2 Jack Russel Terriers (Eddie and Lady) running around my house during the day. They are my aunt and uncle's dogs. One good thing is that Em and Nan are having a blast with them around and Nan hasn't had ANY sort of reaction thus far.

Me, I'm just hanging on and trying to get used to a new schedule. I PROMISE that there will be more in a little while, I'm just popping on for a second so that I can get a few things done (paying bills), but I"ll be online later when Nan takes a nap.

New blog...

2004-08-03T15:20:00.000-07:00

I changed the template for the blog and lost EVERYTHING. Sorry for the inconvience, I'm sure it was just the cosmos telling me that I need to quit bitching and whining and think about doing something more constructive.